Milling & Ministry
Now I’m home and getting things together to hopefully move to Phoenix. at this time there’s still some unknowns and things I need to figure out for this to work. Namely a way to support myself down there either through raising support, working or living frugally on what I have and a reliable source of transportation. Those were the two things I had to take to the Lord in prayer. During this time I was impacted by the verse
“and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.”
And deciding from that to support myself with the work of my hands. Shortly after that In one of my conversations with Rick an opportunity arose for me to work with a good friend of his doing some woodworking, which unbeknownst to him had been a childhood passion of mine. With that being arranged all I needed was a van. I needed something reliable, that I could sleep in and have cheap available parts that hopefully I could turn for profit in the future. After months of searching I found a 2003 chevy astro Cargo van with 149k miles for $1400 which is an incredible price. That price came at a cost though but still wildly worth it. After many… many hours of repairing it and a failed road trip to Colorado as well as a successful one. My van was ready to take me to Phoenix which did happen and I arrived where I am now on June 1st
As this last month has passed I am encouraged to write about the things that have happened in that time. Upon arriving here I have gotten to be a part of Rick and his wife, Katie’s morning prayer meetings every weekday at 7:30 that has been a really unassuming yet awesome activity to be a part of. The Very idea of it is to present anything that the Lord is moving in or encouraging you to share then a time of communal prayer before the day starts. The very first prayer meeting I attended has left an impression on me that I won’t soon forget. A neighbor of theirs who in the past had attended regularly but recently stopped, attended this morning. Upon his arrival he opened up about some poor decisions he made and wanted to change so he asked for the help of Rick to get clean and he has since become a regular part of the group and attends most every group activity with us. He’s been a real source of encouragement for me starting from the first day I was here even till now. Another great source of encouragement has been my boss Philip Glassmeyer, CEO of AppleBlossomWoodWorks, pastor… the list does actually go on but he is a legitimate professional at everything he does and knows so much about the trades its not even funny. On one install he even freehanded a 37* angle with a jigsaw on a finished mantle that had to line up with the wall and he was only a degree or two off let alone making a straight cut, but enough about that. Working for Phil has been good for me, he treats me well, pays me well and is someone i can look up to. My time spent their is always a blessing and i have really been learning to view work as a ministry.
In my second week here two guys who had stayed with Rick just as I am doing now, the previous year came over to visit. they gave me a better perspective of what my time here was going to look like and how I could make better use of my time here going forward. Also in that time period a fellow YWAMer came to stay here and we discussed many things concerning the Ywam beyond ministry Rick is working on. One of the topics of interest was the Celtic Church started by saint Patrick. What was interesting in that was the monastic yet apostolic focus they had and their incredible success with it. which is very similar to the ministry we have been looking for. That being a community of people living together dedicated to the Lord and making disciples of the communities around it.
The conversation has continued to go forward and new opportunities for partnerships are being revealed, so praying for guidance for this ministry in the way the Lord is leading is always helpful and praying that I would see what my role to play in all of this would be a blessing as well.
Since my arrival here, one question has been on my mind. Why am I here? Coming to Phoenix was God’s providence in and of itself, no question about that. So why did the Lord call me here? The first several months I was here I had a passion for reading and made that my goal. reading several books a week, from a variety of genres but that was fleeting. Then it was work and putting my all into that. Serving my boss and the ministry of work, doing it to the best of my ability. Even that I know is not the purpose of my time here. Both those things in and of themselves are good things but not wholly sufficient.
I pursue these things and I pursue them well but in and of themselves they do not satisfy. The Lord has me here for more than learning and working. Yet its so easy to get focused on the side trails you travel on. I am not here to be the best woodworker, the most learned student or these other ideals I cling to in my daily life for inspiration. But to submit my will to the Lord in my daily walk. What that looks like right now is committing myself to studying, working and above all seeking the Lords leading.
That is a passive answer but I have no confidence in anything besides this. I get glimpses of my calling when I am leading people and discipling them. So that has been where I am trying to direct my focus. Which is best stewarded in a life lived well through studies of scripture and the work of my hands.
Ever since I was young there has been an unmistakable desire for community. A longing for community. One I don’t believe is unique to me but one that is not often sought or practiced.
Intentional community is a source of safety, encouragement and growth. Life together stewarded well, provides amazing growth and is the environment prescribed in the bible. Community has been a ‘given’ in what I would assume most cultures only until recently, with the rise of independence, individuality and the American dream. The American dream being, if I work hard enough, if I am dedicated enough, if I… then I will make it. The American dream is not inherently a bad thing and has lead to the advancement of many lives out of poverty and the overall progression of our society as a whole. Its detriment is in the inward focus it promotes in the individual responsible for success and the lives of those unable to keep up. This is not the focus of what I am speaking on though.
We need to steward a biblical focus in community for our ever increasing individualistic culture. People are difficult, they are messy inside and out but a three strand cord is not easily broken. When one falls down his brother is able to lift him up. The individual life is affected when we are our own judge and never have outside voices correcting our faults.
The Lords love and mercy to his children shows itself in many different forms and often doesn’t make sense until after. This has been a rough season for me. While the Lords hand has been on me vividly and inexplicably so, I could not help but feel discouraged. In this time of lacking I learned the things I was missing, the things I am called into and how often my prayers were answered.
Again there was no way the Lord has not been guiding me this far but it has not been until this trip home for Christmas that I have been able to see my time in Phoenix in light of Gods intention for it(not to say I know all of it, or even part of it) this I have perceived though. My time there was not lacking any good thing, but I still was not at peace. Not due to distance from God but in teaching me what I Needed from God. The things I need so desperately in my life. Community, Schedules, cold weather and meditation.
Since arriving there the one question that kept coming up was “why am I here…” why has the Lord brought me to Phoenix and how can I best steward it? I perceived in April that these next two years would be a refining time for me and that it would be foundational for a life lived for the Lord. The building blocks I would rest my ministry (whatever big or small the Lord calls me to) on. So… what does that mean for my time in Phoenix? At my arrival I thought it was studying and reading books. I did this diligently. A month later all my joy in that went away. Next I thought maybe it was my work. Maybe I was supposed to be a great woodworker. Maybe I was here to help my boss. Maybe I was here to learn how to build a business. All good things but no. by this time it’s October, I have no peace in what I am pursuing yet I know that this is where the Lord has placed me. The next 3 months kinda broke me. No joy or peace in anything. I started using nicotine again and began to get complacent with my time. Passing the days as fast as I could. Not in any sort of exasperation but the fire, my zeal I had was gone. I have been to this place before and I was a much different person then so I was not going to try and escape it that way even though I thought about old habits. The people I enjoyed, the books I liked, the activities I could count on to give me life… they couldn’t. Basically the world lost color. Im not a dramatic person and I don’t care for sympathy. The Lords timing is perfect and he knows what we need before we even ask. All we can do is speak the words of Gods servant Moses “Will not the judge of all the earth do right” Back to him and believe it. I came to the end of myself yet again, in ways I did not know I needed to.
I have learned that its not in my skill or my words that the Lord moves but the words the Lord gives me that he moves through. I speak in vain and seek my glory. I Learned this through the times I tried to speak to share my knowledge and utter senseless prayers in trying to save face and to appear pious. When I had no words to speak or anything impressive to say that the Lord spoke to people through me. In my times of weakness and shame when I was low, having no confidence to speak, people heard me. The Lord was merciful to use me in my shame and weakness even in spite of me because of his faithfulness to those around me. This humbled me. There is a level of surrender that happens on the physical side. Setting aside and disciplining the body to serve the Lord in spite of my feelings for that moment. Committing to routines and rhythms that posture my heart to the Lord (the Bible, worship, prayer, meditation).
In my prayers I have asked that the Lord would humble me so that my life could not be anything but his. I prayed humble prayers as my deepest love and devotion to the lord. I never thought those prayers got answered. Not when I strayed so easily, my heart wandered, I sought other things. But The Lord has marked me in such a way that I now realize he was faithful to answer those prayers. “My heart is restless until it finds rest in you” The Lord has not given me to enjoy the things this world has to offer. I believe I could call it depression but I know the source from which it flows. It is the lords abundant mercy to me that I feel this. I can’t desire anything in this world besides him. At every wayward attempt I am called back to my father. My heart knows its home and I know no comfort apart from it. My only freedom and true joy is resting in the Lord.
I have a problem when people say they can’t do anything apart from God; because they don’t actually mean it. I can do plenty of things without God. Yet there is nothing I would want to do without God. Everything I have to offer is sin, pain and vanity. The Lord is the only source of good in my life. I can not truly Love if Christ is not loving through me. What I offer as love in my power is not even worthy of the same name.
