Coming To YWAM

Growing up A Christian was easy. As far as Christians go I was a poster child, my grandfather was a missionary to the middle east and my father was born there. We attended church as if our faith depended on It and followed our father to most every church function, starting at a young age. Even now my pride is getting in the way as I say this… I was tremendously blessed with my upbringing. I never had to do a thing to earn the respect or admiration of Christians except mention my last name. And that’s what I did, I sat back, lived the life I wanted to live, sought what the world had to offer and got really good at playing Christian. Being homeschooled and raised in a loving Christian family I knew God existed as I believe most people intrinsically do. However around the age of 19 I was faced with the question raised by the passage

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

If I have the knowledge of God and can comprehend the Bible, which to my credit I could when compared to all the others I knew who were calling themselves by Christ’s name. Yet did not love God or care that Jesus died for my sins, all my knowledge and good works was for nothing. I knew in Gods eyes at that moment I was dead. I knew practically that Christ died for my sins because of the father’s love for me… but I could not care less. So either I could truly commit my life to knowing the Lord. not as I had in the past, in informational ways, but as my father and friend or to give up the charade, the facade I held so close. But I could not go on living two lives, lying to myself and pretending I felt guilty for things I had done only to save face with those around me. Or to admit my sin and confess I wasn’t enough to live the life I knew I was called to live.

This burning in my heart from the scriptures stayed with me, it lessened over time but never left. I didn’t pay attention to it but it was still there. Around this time I started working as a commercial electrician and that helped to distract from me from my revelation after semester. And it worked until about 6 months later when I started experiencing this spiritual restlessness I couldn’t explain. No matter what I did I could not escape it and continue to distract myself. At this time I contacted a friend of mine who had done a YWAM DTS and her experience there had left an impression on me when she went the year before. She pointed me in the direction of a base and I signed up. This was a make or break moment for my faith. I was putting God to the test… “if he doesn’t show up.” I said “I dont want it… i dont want any of it” I was prepared to walk away.

I had sin in my life that haunted me, it followed me everywhere. Affecting my daily life, my friendships, my family, my relationships with people and God. There was not a day that I was not tormented by it. I was coming undone. So I decided if God shows up in this place of my life, that I would be his, no matter the cost. I was ready to Romans 12:1 it and offer up my life as a living sacrifice. If he didn’t show up, then screw God and his kingdom. I would plunge headfirst into the sins I desired and I wasn’t going to be held back by the hindrance of my faith. This was how I went into YWAM mentally.

Obviously the Lord met me. As I am still here and his faithfulness to me has been beyond what I could have imagined. I have not lacked any good thing even though there have been times of anxiousness, restlessness and struggles for sure. The Lord has been with me and given me assurance of those things I needed even though I did not realize it.

As those 5 months have begun and now ended.

I am reminded of what has happened, what was finished, what was started and what was given up. I took the last 5 months to do a D iscipleship T raining S chool with YWAM in Kailua-Kona Hawaii. It started on October 1st with 2 full weeks of quarantine where I read 5 books and spent countless hours catching up with God as well as losing 15 lbs. That time in quarantine laid the foundation for the intentionality I would run with during DTS. Once out of quarantine I met a California guy named Gavin who was hungry after the Lord and we got to doing a nightly Bible study that lasted the better part of 3 months, lasting well into the night and oftentimes ending with us being the only ones awake. We had many good conversations and grew together in our hunger for God and our pursuit of the greater things. During the 12 weeks of training the 30some of us students went through, we covered a range of practical and difficult topics of walking out the faith well and living the life we confess to believe in. From learning to hear God's voice, to my identity in Christ, through spiritual Warfare and up into learning the local Hawaiian culture, where we would be later staying to do missions. I grew in incredible ways through the redemptive power of Jesus. I wish I could take credit for the changes that took place but I know well enough I could not have brought about the changes seen in my life. Through Christ I received freedom, learned to love others, discern what is right, trust God in all circumstances and let the Lord be my strength. Over the course of this season my grandfather, Bill Grossmann passed away in Egypt doing what the Lord called him to many years ago. Pops loved the African people like no other and in his passing there was only what could be described as somber rejoicing for there wasn't a greater legacy that he could have left me. Urging me forward in the life he lived so well and his faithfulness to the very end.